ALL GROWN UP: The Illusion of Absolute Certainty

(Inspired by "deep" conversations with Jules)

Absolute certainty can be a dangerous stance. Have you ever observed the face of people in the midst of an argument or debate? There is this false look of confidence that they present in their eyes, a look that must be maintained in order to support the fragile argument they present. The appearance of certainty exists to mask the little boy or girl inside who knows that they are still trying to figure life out. It exists to present a mature adult who has gone through life and stands before you with a truth that we will one day come to. Absolute certainty is a way to show the world that we are all "grown up".

After going through childhood and adolescence fighting for the right to be heard, the idea of being all "grown up" is a dream we wish to achieve. We run hard and work tirelessly to gain the ears of our elders and peers so that we can reach a certain place where maturity and wisdom is evident in our speech and actions. We are a people who don't like to be portrayed as being "in the process". We want to be a finished product, a completed piece of art, a person who has it all together. We want this because we are tired of people telling us to "grow up".

Space for Change

To consider ones self "grown up" is to assume that our learning days are over. The problem with this is that a made up mind leaves no room for new ideas or information, nor does it have the space for necessary change. A.R. Bernard (the speaker I quoted in my last blog) states that "change is the essence of maturation" and that the refusal to change is destructive. We must realize that change can only be acquired through a mind that acknowledges that it is still developing. Change is the object that fits within the space we leave in our minds for the chance of something new. That space exists with the condition that we accept the fact that we are still in the process and that we need to continue growing up. Ironically, thinking that we're all grown up caps our ability to mature and limits the wisdom we need to face new levels of life.

This is why being like a child is so important to me these days. A child is innately humble. They acknowledge there limitations and are less likely to hesitate to ask in times of uncertainty. Although children are immature, being like a child during our adult years surfaces the humility necessary to cure our current condition of pride.

Run to Beat Your own Time

It would be to our benefit if finishing was not our goal. People who achieve beyond there own expectations tend to run hard past the finish lines of each stage of life and they break only to rest for further travels. They never break because they are ahead, for they know that their only competitor is the potential inside. There is no need to look at who is in front or just behind, they just run as if they have already won, they run to beat there own time.

Therefore, there is no need to be that finished product, there is no need to have it all together. There is no need to present to the world that you know all the answers and that you are certain about every subject there is to know. Embrace the process and understand the beauty of growing up.

Never be certain about assumptions, for certainty can only be found in truth. Life is all about the discovery of truth, it is the pursuit of the absolutes. It is fair for us to proclaim the absolutes we have discovered thus far in life, however proclaimed certainty is different then imposed certainty.

The Delivery of our Certainty

The imposition of certainty disrupts and robs others of the self revelatory process that is required in order for they them self to be certain. Proclaimed certainty simply provides others with options that are marked with conviction, that as they look upon the wall of truth presented to them throughout their life, they will not be able to ignore the stains of conviction YOUR certainty exudes. As they add to their pool of absolutes, their process of revelation will take your certainty into account. However, if certainty is imposed, the process of revelation will never begin for them. Imposition doesn't only mark a persons options with your convictions of truth , it erases all other opposing options. The elimination of option is what produces naivety. Those who are naive only know what they are certain about and have yet to take into account the options that were once taken from them through the imposition of others.

This simply explains the means in which we deliver our certainties and the way in which we can influence our world. Some believe that everything is self-discovery and that influence is manipulation, other believe that truth needs to be forced down the throats of those who don't have the ability to individually process what is given to them. This distinction provides the balance between the individualistic code of morale "you do what YOU want I'll do what I want" and the fundamentalist perspective "do what I say or DIE!".

With all this said, it would be safe to conclude that certainty is powerful only if it attained through self revelation and delivered in humble proclamation. We must be confident in the acknowledgment of our lack and humble with that which we are certain. We must trust that the truth will always prevail when we express it in meekness.

THINK BACK: A Remedy for the Complexities of Transition

I remember the adventure of childhood when risks were normative and leaps of faith were apart of daily living. Comparing with adults, think about the amount of changes that occur in the life of a child in such a short time span. Sure we change from high school to college, single life to married life, newlyweds to parenthood, but think about the rapid and extreme transitions in the life of a child.

I mean imagine the transition of birth! My sister is having a baby soon and for some weird strange reason I started thinking about what I would feel like as a new born. It's probably the most outrageous transition you have ever gone through in your entire life (the next closest being puberty of course :).

Think about leaving a nice moist, warm and provisional environment and suddenly having to adapt to a cold, painful world where all you hear is your screaming mother and all you feel is plastic gloves and dry rough cloths. Even being held in your mothers arms doesn't compare to where you once were. Imagine having to start crawling and the extreme liberty in getting around by yourself, picture taking your initial steps and the first instance of fear that comes with the idea of "falling down". Imagine experiencing, for the first time, jealously when you watch your mother holding another baby, or the feeling of inadequacy watching your new born brother getting the compliments once given to you. I was blown away when I went through all the possible feelings I would go through NOW if similar transitions took place in my life.

My current insecurities, limited faith and perseverance honestly would probably not be able to sustain me through the life of a child. It was as if from birth God gave us this supernatural ability to overcome the overwhelming complications and changes of childhood. He gave us the clarity of mind to trust the pure impulses inside that pushed us to endure the uncomfort and pain of birth, to overcome the fear of falling while taking our first steps, and to command our father to let go of the seat so we could ride without training wheels.

But the question is, why does transition become so much more complicated as we age? How could we lose the faith that got us through birth, walking and training wheels? What virtue was taken a way from our childhood character?

There is something about a child's character that can give us the remedy in dealing with transition.

As children we somehow had this confidence that our next transition was absolutely imminently necessary. As children we just knew that change is necessary, and that refusal to change would be destructive. We somehow accepted the uncomfort, pain and fear that came along with transition. Adults have become too smart for their own good in calculating the costs of change. They remain in mediocrity so they can avoid the risks. But the problem with this mentality is that change is no option. We've created this false idea that refusing to change wasn't going to alter our current state, that our boat would not be rocked if we did nothing at all.

We're Always Moving

A quote by C.S Lewis states that if we aren't growing closer to the Lord, we are in fact drifting away (paraphrased :). In the same way, life is either moving towards one goal or towards another. A life with no goal does not exist. The concept of being in 'limbo' is a made up construct to justify an undecided mind. Many think that they are NOT taking certain courses of action towards a destination when they are in fact simply living a certain way that leads them to an end point that they have yet to identify. Therefore, the unidentified end point is no less of a destination then one who is certain about where he is going. Indecisiveness does not make time stand still. The failure to know where you are going does not mean you are not moving a certain direction, it only means that you have yet to identify a goal.

The positive side of this thinking is that our inability to commit to one path is actually solidifying our committed to another. Explaining to others that you do not want to be a doctor, lawyer or dentist simply narrows the degree of your pathway. Many find there goals through the process of elimination. They catch themselves constantly bumping into the walls of their path until their road is finally narrow and focused. The bumps we call 'failure' eliminates the confusion of aimless living and establishes a firm stance on which directions not to go.

Capitalization on Change through Adaptation

A.R. Bernard states that "Change is the only constant in life". If we can understand the reality and inevitability of change, we will more rapidly come to terms with the difficult transitions we will have to face. Once we come to terms with change, we will discover the beauty of transition. We will observe the growth, maturity and power of being able to easily adapt to different settings, environment, people and occupations. There is a wealth of language in transition, a language that speaks to a wider audience and that comes from an exposed mind. There is a humility in transition that is attained by the constant enlightenment that comes with entering new paradigms and world views. Transition is a beauty part of the journey.

Transition should not be premature and should never be an escape from our current commitment, but that conversation is for another blog. Today I hope that I can encourage you all to break away from the fear of change and dare to step into transition if you are at the edge of your current platform. Be like a child again and break free from routine sometimes, make a mess, embrace change and stumble into a new world of possibilities that will expand you far more than job training can do.

I Envy Kids

"The meek man cares not at all who is greater than he, for he has long ago decided that the esteem of the world is not worth the effort."

A.W. Tozer

What I would give to be like a child, an innocent carefree soul that lives out his conviction without hesitation. I'd be rash and impulsive, stubborn and emotional, but there are such authentic and natural qualities that embeds itself into the fabric of a child's character that I can only envy.

In my eyes, diplomacy has made the "grown up" custom to lukewarm stances. I believe that it is possible to allow tolerance and diplomacy to drown out our inner conviction. We save-face long enough to allow our facad to become our image. And let me tell you, if our image to the world outweighs our actual conviction inside, what good is it to have an inner voice?

As I have said in my past few blogs, our problem is that we care too much about what others think. Our calculations of risk and public opinion paralyze us from moving forward in the direction of where God wants us to go.

My current solution... perceive Faith as a child would :). There is great wisdom in the clarity, innocence and trust of a child.