A Balanced Approach: How Empathy and Discipline Coexist

The question I’ve been pondering these days is how to mix empathy with discipline. In relating to a spouse, disciplining a child, building up a disciple, I believe we will encounter a conflict within our minds as to how you can show that you understand while at the same time enforcing your counter belief. While sorting through such issues in our mind, we find ourselves falling on either extreme; giving in, being “whipped” (or “whoopa” as Chanler Bing would say), having no backbone to someone who is seen as narrow-minded, stubborn and arrogant. I personally don’t want to be characterized in either extreme.

So the question goes back to how we are able to show empathy while expressing an opposing standpoint.

First of all, accountability requires a hard hand AND a gentle ear, it is up to us to know when to speak and when to listen, when to argue and when to back down, when to hug and when to walk away. But that’s stating the obvious, the hard part is knowing when to do what :)

Timing is everything. I wish I came close to understanding the power of timing for it actually makes all the difference in finding peace during conflicts, in critiquing someone’s work or performance, or in correcting a person in his/her sin.

The HardAss Extreme
Wouldn’t it be nice if all we needed to do is enforce the law every chance we got? There would be no need for discernment, no use for sensitivity. Have you ever encountered people who do everything by the book, who see everything as black and white, true or false? I commend them for their bold beliefs and strong opinions however absolute certainty can either be the result of great wisdom or plain naivety.

The WimpingOut Extreme
Or on the flip side, wouldn’t it be nice if we avoided every sticky conflict that lingered among those in our circle of friends. Ignorance is bliss. Today’s society uses tolerance as an excuse to avoid the tension that comes with confronting issues among friends. We would much rather let someone dig their own grave then to have one awkward conversation that could possibly either turn them off or open their eyes.

Take God for Example..

I would say that the best example in knowing how to balance these two extremes is to look at how God speaks to us. Isn’t it interesting how God speaks to us through Rhema (a word that God speaks to you directly) rather than simply Logos (the Written Word only) alone. God could have simply published that Bible avoided the hassle of conversing with us and commanded us to just do everything that is written. However he knew the importance of communicating certain words, ideas or corrections in a timely manner. God lays out his standard by giving us his Logos, but he also uses wisdom and sensitivity in knowing when to reveal different aspects of the written word through his Rhema.

We can take two important points from this perspective:

ONE.Make our standard and moral code clear and obvious through the life we live. Considering how God provided us with his is written word (Logos), we also need to make our lives a clear script of what we stand for. Unless you want to write a book entitled (your name)’s Book of Moral Standard, the only way people will know what we stand for is simply by the way we live. So let the life you live yell and scream the standards you uphold, let it echo so loud that it paints a clear picture to those around you of what you think is right and wrong.

TWO.Know whom you are speaking to. I believe that God reveals certain convicting words to us in perfect time because he knows our circumstances inside out. He knows what we are ready for, and what we would fail to handle. Half the battle in correcting a friend is understanding him/her. Without understanding you treat correction with greater regard then the one in whom you are correcting. You become one who loves the law more than those in whom you enforce those laws upon. If I give a strong corrective biblical word to a brother “…but have not love, I am nothing.” (1 Cor 13:1-3).

The RHEMA word of God has everything to do with Timing. God is the master at conflict resolution, restoration to the backslidden, and correction to the rebel. He has converted the hardest of hearts into pudding by revealing his word (standard) in the flesh through the life of Jesus and by knowing what gives us joy, makes us love, pushes us to climb, and drags us to our knees in repentance. He shows us and knows us.

What an amazingly gracious and sovereign God we serve.

INVISIBLE CRUELTY: The Power of Subtle Disregard

My eyes have recently been opened to the power of ignorance and disregard. The more I speak with hurt and lonely individuals, the more I have observed that subtle disregard is how the current state of humanity is slowing declining into depression, loneliness and insecurity.

Chronic disgregard stings more than an argument, punch in the face, or harsh words. It tares a person apart from the inside out. It builds a bitterness inside of us that can be suppressed for a time until it reaches its limit. Hurtful words can be dealt with, rebuttled against, however no words at all leaves a person helpless. Being ignored implies that you aren't worth a fight, makes you feel like the whole world's against you.

Think about it for a second, if someone yells at you, at least you have an enemy, someone to place the blame on. Being disregarded makes everyone an enemy, everyone who chooses not to care, to speak, or to pay attention.

I'd even say that bad attention beats no attention.

It's as if we have found a subtle approach to hurt people, so subtle that we ourselves don't even realize that we are doing it.

We hurt people by do nothing at all.

Community and care is losing the race to individualism. People don't stretch their hand to the broken anymore. We find impersonal means to satisfy our humanitarian quota, means that simply require money, signatures on petitions or clicks to vote on a web site. "Hands on" care has become to degrading to the average person. Uncomfortable conversations with awkward people, handshakes with the homeless, are rewarded with a pat on the back or comments such as "I don't know how you do it". When did such things suddenly become an act of charity, an abnormal action that extends beyond the status quo, beyond what the "average" person would attempt.

The sad reality is that our current society views this as "above an beyond" when our past and other parts of the world consider it normal. "above and beyond" builds an aritifical wall that we feel we need to climb in order to help others. "above and beyond" builds a class system which boxes us into a certain way of giving/not giving.

I believe we need to raise the bar of "above and beyond". Normal needs to include sacrifice, dirt and uncomfort, for if the bar continues to fall society will lose the meaning of selflessness.

As I said in the beginning, my eyes have just recently been opened to this tragic reality. I feel horrible to think that I have contributed to this epidemic of disregard. We need to start looking at the small things we do, we need to look so closely to pick up on the smallest things of all, which is probably the things we don't do.

It's important to examine ourselves time to time, not for only the bad things we do, but for the worldview we have created that limits our vision of those who we know need our attention.

A Place of Exchange

More than ever before I truly believe that gathering with like-minded individuals is what creates a powerful atmosphere where the Spirit of God can move. Everytime I see God move powerfully, it is within groups that share a strong cahoots (i like that word:).

This past weekend I met together with just over 20 campus leaders from Ontario in what we called "A Place of Exchange". God moves whether we know it or not, we were simply privilaged enough to tap into what God was doing and notice the common vision and direction we were all pursuing. You notice glimpses of a movement when parties from different locations are singing the same tune and stepping in sync with the beat and rhythem of the of the Holy Spirit. Simply connecting the dots between these like-minded individuals is how we decided to meet.

As each person entered the room I could see in each face a sense of expectation. Each without an idea of what to expect I believe we all knew that this meeting was special. We greeted one another and started to sing, meditate and welcome the Holy Spirit to be in our midst.


It felt Safe. Although we did not know each other very well, I sensed an atmosphere of humility with all masks down. I hardly even noticed pride or self-glorification, which is odd not to have in a group of leaders. I think we all knew that this meeting was about something so much bigger than ourselves.

The gathering was an intersection. A place where our paths will begin to crash and collide with those pursing a common vision. And as those lines cross, we are believing for divine sparks to fly, creating a synergetic movement of intercessors, evangelists, pioneers, miracle workers, prophets and church planters. We want to see the body working with all its parts trained, developed and ready for battle. We worshiped, prayed for those discouraged on their campus and shared what we felt the Holy Spirit lead us to speak. It was simple but powerful. We ended our time by revealing a huge banner that was created 5 years ago that had the background of downtown toronto with the words "Your Kingdom Come Your will be Done.... You are the light of the world a city on a hill cannot be hidden..let your light shine before men that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in Heaven."
It was a symbol of a baton that would be passed from campus to campus. The banner was given to MAC and will make its way through each University throughout this year.

MAC
Although much was said in this gather, we have yet to hear the stories in MAC and how they have seen salvation through outdoor worship and prayer. They have put their pride and reputation on the line for the sake of welcoming the Holy Spirit onto their campus. Though they look foolish in the eyes of man, I believe God is proud of who they are and how high they hold that lamp up in the sky.

UofT scarb
Not much has been spoken of the boldness of those in UofT Scarborough and their interactions through outdoor worship to those of different spiritual, cultural and ethnic background. God is really using this group to touch the spiritually hungry people on their campus. Their act of outdoor worship and prayer alone is drawing peoples attention to the name of Jesus and the authentic pursuit of His followers.

UofT st.george
We have heard little of the vision in UofT St. George whose passion for prayer and evangelism has given shape to what they call a Rafflian Revolution. A revolution of discontented radicals who are fed up with mediocrity and who feel called to see His kingdom come on their campus. I have heard stories of them doing prayer walks around Robarts and other parts of campus, claiming ground in the spiritual and setting the stage for his glory to fall.

The stories are beginning to grow from campus to campus, and we are starting to see a move of God brewing in the Universities of Ontario like I personally haven't seen before.

To those who attended the Gathering...
We've only scratched the surface and seen mere glimpses of what God will do. I'm crazy excited to see what happens when we actually start becoming more radically obedient to the Word of God. Like I said guys, we ain't following any strategies or concepts, God is doing a new thing. Originality and strategy will come when we seek his will and follow what the Word tells us to do. We cannot expect to do anything more than read his word and obey his commands, for I believe it is this obedience that will express a sweeter fragrence of worship to our King, and a more fierce flow of Love to our Father.

Songs of Love are great, but it's funny how much we can sing and how little we can obey. Jesus simply states that "If you love me, you will obey what I command" John 14:15. God is working differently on each campus, and it is imparitive that we understand how to respond to what God is doing. How we respond will depend on what God is revealing to you in the Bible. Therefore reading his word and obeying his commands is the only strategy that will work. Use resources to assist your obedience to his word rather than using the word of God to assist the strategy of our resource. If God is going to move any differently than he did before, it's going to require workers who have big ears, flexible minds and a small head :)

So let us begin to raise up a new generation of workers who hold tightly to his words and do nothing other than what those word say.

I look foward to gathering with you all again soon in January.

Friends, if you felt connected in anyway to this entry please begin to pray for God to continue moving on the campuses of Ontario. Pick a University or College and start making it apart of your daily prayers. Thanks everyone.